Weekly Dig Quality of Life Index

[Bean Counter]
THE DIG'S QUALITY OF LIFE INDEX
By DIG STAFF

Holiday killjoys are protesting the Running of the Santas, a pub crawl sponsored by MillerCoors. Because of the children! Think of the children! They'll ask questions like: How can there be several Santas at once? Why do they all smell like cheap beer? Can I have a pony? EVEN

After becoming famous for adorning his property in half a million Christmas lights, a Jamaica Plain man has been recognized as a father who is $123,833.37 behind in child support. Forget paying for the kids; that money is for the electric bill. MINUS 1

The Senate has turned down the Automaker Bailout Bill for $14 billion. Looks like those CEOs are going to have to start flying coach. MINUS 1

The recent ice storm revealed an underlying problem of long-horned beetles, insects that kill trees. City and state workers were mobilized to combat the beetles, in an all-out human vs. insect battle … uh, we mean, they carefully moved the fallen trees so as not to disturb the beetles. Oh, and Storrow Drive flooded, several neighborhoods lost power and the governor called a state of emergency. MINUS 2

Framingham College continues construction on a $191,241 garage on the president's home. Forget the silly $2 million budget cut they predicted for the school next year, the president needs somewhere pretty for all his cars. MINUS 1

Inventor Le Trung unleashed the first fembot into the world. She speaks English and Japanese, cleans and is an accomplished mathematician (she does Trung’s accounts). But she drew the line when Trung attempted to "cop a feel" and received a five-finger ringer across the face. Even robots have their limits. EVEN

The Boston Public Health Commission bans cigarette sales at drugstores and on college campuses (the whole damn city is a college campus!) and no more smoking on patios at bars or restaurants. Cigar and hookah bars will also be phased out in the next 10 years. What's next, a ban on smoking underwater? MINUS 1

Toll protesters’ Stop the Pike Hike—which threatened to seek alternate routes to show how a toll increase on the turnpike would affect traffic on smaller roads—cancelled the protest at the behest of transportation officials … who apparently didn't want them to ruin the surprise. EVEN

An Iraqi journalist throws his (size 10) shoes at lame duck President Bush, shouting, "This is a farewell, you dog!" It's not exactly flowers and candy, but at least Bush was greeted as something before his term ended. PLUS 1

Boston Mayor Thomas Menino sends letters to big lending companies (and Santa, natch), asking them to put a six-month hold on foreclosures. More than 1,000 homes in Boston have been foreclosed upon. MINUS 10

THIS WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 15

LAST WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 4